There was always another arrogant, opinionated prick hanging at the bar eager to buy me a drink, regale me with boasts about his exploits and take me back to his semen stained bedding to demonstrate that alcohol doesn’t enhance sexual performance ... and some of them even provided breakfast. But recently it has all seemed too much effort.Lately, the weekly grind of beautifying myself for the benefit of being pawed by some sexual Neanderthal has paled as all I’ve really wanted was a bit of attention, a little tender loving care and perhaps a soupcon of devotion. Perhaps I’m suffering from some mutated form of Stockholm Syndrome; just another spoilt, unloved little rich girl desperate to fall head over heels in love with her rough, tough, sadistic captor or maybe I’m losing myself in a delusional fantasy world where even the casual glances of a fellow commuter have become an infatuation. Today I intend find out.The platform announcement flashes up the words “Next Train Approaching”. Of course I can’t tell you where this is, for reasons that will become apparent, but this particular village, sitting in it’s deep narrow valley, lacked any coverage whatsoever, and the phone companies weren’t very interested in providing cover because there weren’t enough people to make it worth their while. You see when the government granted licences to these companies they didn’t say ... and you will provide cover for everyone ... no, that would have made the licence fees not worth collecting, and besides, most government ministers, like most of the population, live in towns and cities. Whether the relevant ministers had an eye to a lucrative retirement as a director of one of those companies I couldn’t say.As in many places this village was a conservation area, which means that would be difficult to find somewhere which was acceptable to the council and residents to put a mast, but, as luck would have it, there was one place in the village which would be well screened by trees.
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